Bestie

I’m having one of those days (9am home time) or nights (3.30am current country time) where I wished my male best friend is around. I can call him. But I (am embarrassed) don’t want to disturb him. I could fill him (and about 10 other very close friends) in with news later on in person, or over the phone from home. It’s just, every so rarely, the whirlwind of life gets too much or too fast for me (usually when I am far away from the comforts of home, like now).

So when it feels like the wind is getting knocked out of me, or the force of the wind is too strong, or it is coming from too many directions – I learned a habit (recently, as in 3-4 years ago) of mentally imagining my hand reaching out for something from home to remind me of real (stable) life. I always seemed to picture my bestie, solid like a rock, reminding me of who I am, as he knows me, warts and all. That mental image was always enough to calm me down, regardless of whether I felt he would approve or disapprove of my (mis)adventures, eheheheh ugh.

Between him reminding me of home/safety when I needed it; and the strength/contentment my personal relationship with God has given me; my environment of lack and unknown or negativity and draining, becomes liveable. Then depending on whether I need more encouragement/support, or even role models for certain situations, family or other close friends’ images and memories of them also come into play.

… I can’t wait to just blab (blah blah blah! lol) all the questions, confusions, intentions, weird humour, and critical analysis of myself to him. I am reflecting so much tonight/today. This trip has made me realise how well I survive in stressful/threatening/compromising circumstances, but also made me aware (or made me acutely accept) how painfully vulnerable/unprotected I really am, alone, being myself, from people/men/women/“over-takers”. Without the years of exposure (training, lol) to myself bestie has had, newer friends may not quite understand. Also, I think he is one of the few people I know who’s (kind of?) worked out what the different “hhhhmmm” sounds I make, and apparently I use a lot (I’m not really aware of when I do it), means….

Missing you. And thank you for being my friend. Lovelots. :-)