** Written end of April 2015.... Forgot to post or embarrassed to post? Originally titled "Supporting Cast"....**
I stayed away from my "home", known as ships base for a week, to avoid infecting everyone with my vomiting etc. I'll spare you the gory details, it was not pleasant. I went back yesterday, Friday afternoon, thinking it was Thursday, so I could work on Friday (Saturday!). Obviously I was told to rest until Monday. I was glad to have more rest. I felt foolish being at the base, confused about what was going on around me, and leaving again after a couple of hours.
Instead of crawling to bed while I waited for my friend to pick me up, an idea popped to my head to go to the main office below. To understand how illogically foolish this idea was, you have to imagine me with only about 5% ability to hold myself up. I was not in the mood to socialise. But the push to go there was super strong (I now call it the "Holy Spirit punch"). Illogically, I forced my feet to walk the two floors down.
I was in the office for about two minutes, but felt I was not meant to be in there. The conversation was awkward and strained. I gave an abrupt farewell.
While I held the door open as I stepped out, I saw a shape of a person sitting on the steps of the vacant lot next door. I "heard" a command in my thought to "Help her". My immediate reply was, "no Lord, bed for me now pleeease". Still, I closed the door looking at the person and worked out she was a woman. By then she was also looking at me.
I immediately asked her if she was okay. She said she was fine. I stared at her for more than 5 seconds (which was a very long time when the moment was awkward!). I felt too yuck for small talk, so I bluntly explained to her, "I was told to help you." She stayed silent.
I impatiently stated, "I'm Christian, and I heard God tell me to help you, and I don't know why!"!! (I looked back thinking wow, I must have sounded weird!! I used to avoid such people!! ACK!!?!)
I asked her if she prayed for something. Awkward silence again... until she explained she had six children and was pregnant again. She was drinking her coffee and sometimes because of birthing so many children she could not control her bladder. She accidentally peed on her pants, so she sat down to hide it. She felt helpless, embarrassed and may have prayed.
She needed a place to wash her pants. I took her to a bathroom within our base. While she washed she said she was surprised I knew she needed help. I half-heartedly told her how clearly God wanted to help her and how clearly God answered her prayers! How much God loves her. The lady was excited and I was unenthusiastic, too consumed by how sick I felt. I noticed my behaviour and repented. I prayed silently for God to guide her steps instead, because I did not know what else I was meant to do and I wanted to go to bed!!....
When she finished cleaning herself she asked me how she could communicate with me again. I informed her I was leaving in less than week, so she had limited time to get to know me. Almost as if telling her there was no point.... I was not rude, but I noticed the indifference in my attitude. Before I would pursue a chance to have a 10 minute conversation with a stranger about God. With her, I forgot I just repented for my behaviour towards her, because I was still shutting her down!! I had so little patience! :-((
She told me she needed to go and pick up her son at the pier close by. I pointed to her the exit, then the lady walked the opposite way! I did not stop her, allowing the Holy Spirit to lead, aware I prayed for God to lead her steps! When we reached the balcony, the lady was surprised to recognise the girl sitting there. They met during the girl's local outreach (volunteer work). They both spoke German, so they got reacquainted as they chatted in German, and made plans to meet again. I sat there until it was time for me to guide the lady out of the base.
Tiredly, I returned to the girl. She shared with me that when she was doing her outreach, she really struggled and did not want to be there too. So she prayed for God to show her what to do. She ended up sitting next to this lady and that was how they found out they both spoke German. As she sat at the balcony today, she prayed to God again about her struggle to be there. She was in the same mood when the same lady approached her, not willing to cooperate with God. I shared we were both unwilling to cooperate.
I asked her if she saw the lady while at the balcony. Where she sat was a clear view of where I met the lady. She admitted she was too busy telling God about her needs, she did not listen to hear from Him.
We perused that maybe God was working on our/her obedience. Maybe God was teaching her, to go and help the lady. God prompts, but He never forces us to do His will. When she didn't respond, my role was to connect them again, but supporting cast only, a backup plan in this story. It made sense because I was saying/thinking I did not understand why God would teach me the same lesson again when I hadn't forgotten it (click here to read about my hearing God). That understanding was why I ended up with the lady and eventually at the balcony in the first place.
I was only at base for a short time, yet even in my weakness and poor attitude, God let me serve and learn. I was grumbling, too much like Jonah. The lady represented my Ninevah. But God was bigger than my petulance. *embarrassed smirk* :-/
I also learned how important it is to sometimes shut up, and just listen. To hold on to God quietly, remaining in His presence, as He reveals our adventures.
God still prepared an enjoyable time for me afterwards; and a place to rest to get better for the weekend.
I stayed away from my "home", known as ships base for a week, to avoid infecting everyone with my vomiting etc. I'll spare you the gory details, it was not pleasant. I went back yesterday, Friday afternoon, thinking it was Thursday, so I could work on Friday (Saturday!). Obviously I was told to rest until Monday. I was glad to have more rest. I felt foolish being at the base, confused about what was going on around me, and leaving again after a couple of hours.
Instead of crawling to bed while I waited for my friend to pick me up, an idea popped to my head to go to the main office below. To understand how illogically foolish this idea was, you have to imagine me with only about 5% ability to hold myself up. I was not in the mood to socialise. But the push to go there was super strong (I now call it the "Holy Spirit punch"). Illogically, I forced my feet to walk the two floors down.
I was in the office for about two minutes, but felt I was not meant to be in there. The conversation was awkward and strained. I gave an abrupt farewell.
While I held the door open as I stepped out, I saw a shape of a person sitting on the steps of the vacant lot next door. I "heard" a command in my thought to "Help her". My immediate reply was, "no Lord, bed for me now pleeease". Still, I closed the door looking at the person and worked out she was a woman. By then she was also looking at me.
I immediately asked her if she was okay. She said she was fine. I stared at her for more than 5 seconds (which was a very long time when the moment was awkward!). I felt too yuck for small talk, so I bluntly explained to her, "I was told to help you." She stayed silent.
I impatiently stated, "I'm Christian, and I heard God tell me to help you, and I don't know why!"!! (I looked back thinking wow, I must have sounded weird!! I used to avoid such people!! ACK!!?!)
I asked her if she prayed for something. Awkward silence again... until she explained she had six children and was pregnant again. She was drinking her coffee and sometimes because of birthing so many children she could not control her bladder. She accidentally peed on her pants, so she sat down to hide it. She felt helpless, embarrassed and may have prayed.
She needed a place to wash her pants. I took her to a bathroom within our base. While she washed she said she was surprised I knew she needed help. I half-heartedly told her how clearly God wanted to help her and how clearly God answered her prayers! How much God loves her. The lady was excited and I was unenthusiastic, too consumed by how sick I felt. I noticed my behaviour and repented. I prayed silently for God to guide her steps instead, because I did not know what else I was meant to do and I wanted to go to bed!!....
When she finished cleaning herself she asked me how she could communicate with me again. I informed her I was leaving in less than week, so she had limited time to get to know me. Almost as if telling her there was no point.... I was not rude, but I noticed the indifference in my attitude. Before I would pursue a chance to have a 10 minute conversation with a stranger about God. With her, I forgot I just repented for my behaviour towards her, because I was still shutting her down!! I had so little patience! :-((
She told me she needed to go and pick up her son at the pier close by. I pointed to her the exit, then the lady walked the opposite way! I did not stop her, allowing the Holy Spirit to lead, aware I prayed for God to lead her steps! When we reached the balcony, the lady was surprised to recognise the girl sitting there. They met during the girl's local outreach (volunteer work). They both spoke German, so they got reacquainted as they chatted in German, and made plans to meet again. I sat there until it was time for me to guide the lady out of the base.
Tiredly, I returned to the girl. She shared with me that when she was doing her outreach, she really struggled and did not want to be there too. So she prayed for God to show her what to do. She ended up sitting next to this lady and that was how they found out they both spoke German. As she sat at the balcony today, she prayed to God again about her struggle to be there. She was in the same mood when the same lady approached her, not willing to cooperate with God. I shared we were both unwilling to cooperate.
I asked her if she saw the lady while at the balcony. Where she sat was a clear view of where I met the lady. She admitted she was too busy telling God about her needs, she did not listen to hear from Him.
We perused that maybe God was working on our/her obedience. Maybe God was teaching her, to go and help the lady. God prompts, but He never forces us to do His will. When she didn't respond, my role was to connect them again, but supporting cast only, a backup plan in this story. It made sense because I was saying/thinking I did not understand why God would teach me the same lesson again when I hadn't forgotten it (click here to read about my hearing God). That understanding was why I ended up with the lady and eventually at the balcony in the first place.
I was only at base for a short time, yet even in my weakness and poor attitude, God let me serve and learn. I was grumbling, too much like Jonah. The lady represented my Ninevah. But God was bigger than my petulance. *embarrassed smirk* :-/
"This change of plans greatly upset Jonah, and he became very angry. So he complained to the Lord about it:..." (Jonah 4:1 NLT)
I also learned how important it is to sometimes shut up, and just listen. To hold on to God quietly, remaining in His presence, as He reveals our adventures.
God still prepared an enjoyable time for me afterwards; and a place to rest to get better for the weekend.
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